Hello! I know most people will tell me to see a psychologist or psychiatrist so I wanted to write beforehand I do have an upcoming appointment with a therapist this Tuesday
Here’s a bit of background info about me: F/26/5’4/265 I’m currently working on losing weight
On April 28th, my father passed away from stage 4 lung cancer. I was extremely close to my dad and the last two days before he passed away, traumatized me. After his death, I had (and continue to have) a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I started having all kinds of physical such as chest pain, shortness of breath, and a lot of digestive issues which I am still having (constant burping, waking up with shortness of breath, constipation, sensation of food being stuck in my throat..I have a meeting with a GI on Monday and currently taking 40mg pantoprazole)
After my dad’s death, I started being extremely conscious about my own health. The last thing I did for my was check his oxygen level. After he passed away, I obsessively check mine every day. Mine usually fluctuate between 96-99 (sometimes it briefly goes down to low 90’s but it only stays for at most a minute before going back to my normal level). My weight was at 275 but in extreme fear I started dieting and I am continuing to lose weight and I’m adding in exercise as well
My biggest fear is that I’ll die in my sleep. Or I’ll have a heart attack. Or I’ll have a stroke. Or that I have sleep apnea and I’ll die in my sleep and at the moment I cannot go to the hospital to get a sleep study (insurance is changing, I’m very poor, mom and brother are already traumatized enough). I did end up in the ER like two weeks ago and got a full check up (chest x-ray, ekg, check my nose/ears/throat..everything was perfectly healthy)
In terms of sleep apnea and what my symptoms might be: I think I snore but it’s not that loud because my cousins told me when they walk by my room, they don’t really hear anything.
It takes me a while to fall asleep (recently I think it’s more because I’m terrified I might die in my sleep. After my father’s death, I became scared of death so much. I don’t understand why. I was never like this before). I used to wake up several times at night to pee but I noticed after I started dieting and exercising, I barely wake up in the middle of the night. It literally went from 5x a night to maybe once or twice.
I feel fully rested after waking up (I’m only tired if I just get like 4-5 hours of sleep) and I never doze off or feel sleepy during the day. The only problem is that sometimes I wake up with shortness of breath. I don’t know if that’s related to anxiety, acid reflux or sleep apnea
I know no one can give me an exact answer unless I get a sleep test done ( which I can’t at the moment). I guess..what I’m just looking for is the assurance that I’ll be okay. That somehow I won’t die in my sleep.
I just feel so scared all the time and I know it’s not normal. I know I should see a psychiatrist (which I plan on doing if the therapy doesn’t work out)
I’m sorry for my long story and I’d appreciate all the help Or advice I can get