So, I’m having trouble with acclimating to CPAP therapy and now I’m afraid to try any more.
To add some background, I got my CPAP machine a week and a half ago weeks ago, I tried to use it the first night, hoping it would help. In actuality I didn’t sleep at all. I then figured I’d just tough it out the second night i figured I’d tough it out, I was barely keeping my eyes open until close to bed time I figured that I’d try again, the second night i didn’t sleep at all either. I laid awake but exhausted for 4 hours until I finally took it off and immediately passed out.
As I couldn’t afford any more sleepless nights I didn’t try again until the following weekend. After reading some hints on the internet I tried wearing my CPAP mask whenever I could around the house and on Friday after a few drinks tried wearing it again, I fell asleep but woke up the following morning having taken off my mask while asleep (seemingly after 4 hours, I still felt tired and hungover). The next night I took some sleeping pills in the hope that i might be able to fall asleep. I did manage to sleep after about an hour, only to wake up 2 hours later and resume my inability to sleep. After what amounts to another 2 hours of laying awake (despite feeling very tired) I eventually pulled the mask off and went to sleep immediately, I woke up at my usual time feeling horrible. I then tried again Sunday night figuring more sleeping pills plus the tiredness might help, it didn’t, I slept 2 hours (6 to 8 am) before having to get up and work.
I didn’t try again last night, I I’m hoping to return to wearing it around the house but at this point my brain associates the mask with not sleeping and constant anxiety. I’m getting anxious and freaking out just looking at it. I’ve been thinking I should put it on while working or watching TV but I’m so afraid if it, it makes me want to cry.
The mask itself is not uncomfortable at all. It seems to fit well, what seems to bother me more is the general fact that there’s something on my face and a tube coming out of it, it also severely restricted the angle I can put my head at due to the weight of the tube. (I think like 90% of this is my subconscious screaming ‘there’s something on your face, get it off! ‘ I’m not sure how to overcome this as I’ve never been able to overcome my inability to sleep wearing clothes or wearing my watch (when I was trying to use it to track my sleep – and for reference I wear my watch every hour I don’t sleep – infact more than I wear clothes)
Edit: I just want to update, I think I understated the fear I have of the mask, I’ve been in situations where I’ve had legitimate reason to think that I won’t make it until the next morning. And I’m more afraid of the mask and I don’t understand it. I’m more afraid of that mask than of anything else in my life to date (which hasn’t been easy).