This is kind of a vent but also a pathetic cry for help.
I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in January. I had it as a very small child (3ish) and it was thought that it cleared up when I got my tonsils and adenoids removed- but apparently not so. This means I have theoretically gone for about 15 years without treatment (not my parents fault I promise). My apnea is mild so I only started experiencing symptoms when I was 14- which were written off due to other medical conditions as well as just being a teen. Flash forward to now I’ve been diagnosed and have a CPAP machine. I’ve been adjusting and well its hard. I can only manage to wear it for a max of two hours before it gets too uncomfortable or I rip it off in my sleep.
This means I’m not getting the full affect. I’m still suffering heavily from symptoms even though my brain fog has gotten better. I know it isn’t my fault I have this condition. I know it isn’t my fault that I’m having trouble adjusting- but I can’t shake the feeling of just being a failure. Every time I skip something in order to sleep- that feeling just gets worse. It’s a little tiredness. Why can’t I just push through? I know to me this tiredness is painful. I have joint pain. I can’t think. My eyes feel so heavy like there are sandbags attached to them- countless other things- but all the comments I get make me wonder if I’m really being dramatic.
Please if anyone has any advice… How do I stop blaming myself? How do I accept this? How do I get others to understand that this condition is a problem for me even if it is mild?